* I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy... I'd have had nothing to
play with.
* A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I
went over. Nobody was home.
* It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on and a
button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm
afraid to go to the bathroom.
* I was such an ugly kid... When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept
covering me up.
* I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.
* I was such an ugly baby... My mother never breast-fed me. She told me that
she only liked me as a friend.
* I'm so ugly... My father carried around a picture of a kid that came with
his wallet.
* When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my
father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
* I'm so ugly... My mother had morning sickness... AFTER I was born.
* I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my
finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
* Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my
parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I
don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide"
* My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
* I'm so ugly... I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big
I'd get.
* I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look
in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He said..."I
don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
* I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My
doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
* With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in
the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
* Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a
pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper
four times - three of those times I was reading it.
* One year they wanted to make me poster boy for birth control.
* My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the
electric chair.
* I'm so ugly; when I was born the doctor slapped my mother!
* I so ugly; the other day I went to the proctologist -- he stuck his
finger in my mouth.
jaxdadpeaz@aol.com