Happy Channuka!

[Uncle Neil]

HOLIDAY DISTINCTIONS BETWEEN CHRISTMAS AND CHANUKAH:

1. Christmas is one day, same day every year: December 25. Jews also love December 25th. It's another paid day off work. We go to movies and out for
Chinese food, and Israeli dancing. Chanukah is 8 days. It starts the evening of the 24th of Kislev, whenever that falls. No one is ever sure. Jews never know until a non-Jewish friend asks when Chanukah starts, forcing us to consult a calendar so we don't look like idiots. We all have the same calendar, provided free with a donation from either the World Jewish Congress, the kosher butcher, or the local Sinai Memorial Chapel, (especially in Florida) or a Jewish Hebrew School.

2. Christmas is a major holiday. Chanukah is a minor holiday with the
same theme as most Jewish holidays. They tried to kill eat.

3. Christians get wonderful presents such as jewelry, perfume, stereos...Jews get practical presents such as underwear, socks, or the collected works of the Rambam, which looks impressive on the bookshelf.

4. There is only one way to spell Christmas. No one can decide how to spell Chanukah; Chanukah, Chanukka, Channukah, Hanukah, Hannukah.

5. Christmas is a time of great pressure for husbands and boyfriends. Their partners expect special gifts. Jewish men are relieved of that burden. No one expects a diamond ring on Chanukah.

6. Christmas brings enormous electric bills. Candles are used for Chanukah. Not only are we spared enormous electric bills, but we get to feel good
about not contributing to the energy crisis.

7. Christmas carols are beautiful. Silent Night, Come O Ye Faithful....Chanukah songs are about dreidels made from clay or having a party and dancing the horah. Of course, we are secretly pleased that many of the
beautiful carols were composed and written by our tribal brethren. And don't Barbara Streisand and
Neil Diamond sing them beautifully?

8. A home preparing for Christmas smells wonderful. The sweet smell of cookies and cakes baking. Happy people are gathered around in festive moods.
A home preparing for Chanukah smells of oil, potatoes, and onions. The home, as always, is full of loud people all talking at once.

9. Women have fun baking Christmas cookies. Women burn their eyes and cut
their hands grating potatoes and onions for latkas on Chanukah. Another reminder of our suffering through the ages.

10. Parents deliver gifts to their children on Christmas. Jewish parents have no qualms about withholding a gift on any of the eight nights.

11. The players in the Christmas story have easy to pronounce names such as Mary, Joseph, and Jesus.
The players in the Chanukah story are Antiochus, Judah Maccabee, and Matta whatever. No one can spell it or pronounce it. On the plus side, we can
tell our friends anything and they believe we are wonderfully versed in our history.

12. Many Christians believe in the virgin birth. Jews think, "Joseph, Bubela, snap out of it. Your woman is her, and now you want to blame G-d. Here's the number of my shrink".

13. In recent years, Christmas has become more and more commercialized. The same holds true for Chanukah, even though it is a minor holiday. It
makes sense. How could we market a major holiday such as Yom Kippur? Forget about celebrating. Think observing. Come to synagogue, starve yourself for 27
hours, become one with your dehydrated soul, beat your chest, confess your sins, a guaranteed good time for you and your family. Tickets a mere $200 per person. Better stick with Chanukah!


neilbrier@yahoo.com

[Uncle Neil]

2. Christmas is a major holiday. Chanukah is a minor holiday with the same theme as most Jewish holidays. They tried to kill us, we survived, so let's eat.


neilbrier@yahoo.com

[DDD]

> ... or the collected works of the Rambam

I think that would indeed be a wonderful gift! ;-)
Thomas Aquinas learned a lot from Rambam (but perhaps he should have learned more - see: <A HREF="http://www.firstthings.com/ftissues/ft9 ... novak.html" TARGET="_blank">http://www.firstthings.com/ftissues/ft9 ... ak.html</A> )

Happy Holidays.

DDD

[Tony Gillott]

Hi Neil
Loved your piece about distinctions between Christmas and Chanukah.
However, if you had been brought up in a Christian Society as I was, then for publishing such Blasphemy you would have probably been burnt at the stake as a Heretic!!!
Seriously, one of the things I loved about meeting you guys was the humour that you had with the Jewish faith.
Because, God had to have a sense of humour.
Regards
Tony Gillott

You don't believe me, well just look at the fashion sense that he gave us!!!!!

tonygillott@yahoo.co.uk

[Uncle Neil]

Dear DDD,

Hi! Great to hear from you. Sorry it took a while to respond...I have had trouble accessing the Alton site (and if you have ever had trouble accessing....). Gary says I need to check my cookies, but I ate them at counselors' snack..then he said to check my security settings, so I locked my apartment door, but it did not help either????? In anycase, I checked out the article you recommended. Someday when I am retired, I hope to have time to read the whole thing! Well, Happy whatever you are celebrating these days! Again thanks for the posting!

Tony,

Cheers mate... It is always so great to hear from you...even if you and Woody Shore blew me off when you visited RI. Come visit NY...I will try to finally pay back the hospitality you guys showed me in 1972 when I visited you all in London (30 years ago, holy Brecker!). That blasphemy thing sounds like fun..could have been a great evening activity - oh wait we did have it, it was called Ethical Discussion! What sense of humor? We are a serious and mature people! Happy Holidays (what a PC ending, huh!)

neilbrier@yahoo.com

[Howard Silverstein]

Another busy day at the office, huh, Neilson?



hsilverstein2@adelphia.net

[Uncle Neil]

NEVER too busy to post something on the Alton message board. It took almost 30 seconds to cut and paste the greeting! So Howard, what's new in exciting Cleveland, the world center for cloudy weather? Hag Someach v'Shabbat Shalom!



neilbrier@yahoo.com